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Thread: Funnies Thread - What you got ? (NSFW R rated)

  1. #3231
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    ALERTS TO THREATS IN EUROPE: BY JOHN CLEESE

    by John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

    A final thought - " Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC".
    gtadmin, Fatman, MrGruffy and 4 others like this.
    Chris: Tobacco free since 17:00 15th March 2013.


  2. #3232
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    was going to post a "which avfer is this"? thread, but thought the better of it.
    but since 2 out of 3 the common or garden varieties have a sense of humour, which mod is which?


    Fatman, merexy, rockmoose and 1 others like this.


  3. #3233
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    Why is there a perfectly good white girl taped to a wall...

    I have no further comment
    Fatman, MrGruffy, merexy and 1 others like this.
    Stylemessiah: Prince of all things small and whispery. Abhorrer of shoutiness. Shunner of all vigorousities.

    Not on as many ignore lists as you think....

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    Mods With Issues (Often On Discounted Flash Sale) Last Updated 13/10/17

  4. #3234
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    merexy, DocM and Deadonarrival like this.


  5. #3235
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    Quote Originally Posted by stylemessiah View Post
    Why is there a perfectly good white girl taped to a wall...

    I have no further comment
    That is your only question when faced with those three images?

    I at least want to know how the transporter accident resulted in an FM/baby mutation...
    merexy, DocM, stylemessiah and 2 others like this.
    Chris: Tobacco free since 17:00 15th March 2013.


  6. #3236
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    ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.

    HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON,
    "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.

    BUT, JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY." MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS.

    OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.

    ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION ABOUT MR.GORSKY AND THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE HIS MR. GORSKY HAD JUST DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.

    HERE IS THE ANSWER TO "WHO WAS MR. GORSKY?":

    IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.

    AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY,

    "SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"



    It broke the place up.** ***
    NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMILY CONFIRMED THAT THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
    Started vaping 28th October 2011

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  7. #3237
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    WARNING!! SCAM ALERT 😡😡😡
    Keep an eye out for these two women. They're hanging around Woolworths at Midland Forum and when you are putting your bags into the car they approach you asking for a lift through McDonald's.
    These girls are very convincing and quite attractive!
    Once in your car one of them takes her clothes off while getting on top of you to distract you while the other takes your wallet.
    I've had my wallet stolen now on the 13th, 14th and 15th, twice yesterday and probably two more times tomorrow.
    Big w have wallets for sale for $8.99 but I've found some in kmart for only $1.49 so have bought 4. Also, you never actually make it to McDonalds so I've also lost 11kgs


    upload images
    Support the closed autocratic NNA AU lobby group-
    Give money, sign and fill what we say then STFU- its called unity!

    You actually thought that your action & thoughts matter?Its "experts" only buddy
    Pfft don't like it?... go away and start your own
    All Hail the NNA AU vape overlords!
    Delete & block the negative! It never happened- its in the past MKAY?
    (or face members & supporters wrath & tears...)
    Infiltrate, Dominate & assimilate all unbelievers..Welcome to the new NNA AU echo chamber

  8. #3238
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    I think this could be your best RATM!
    Rofl


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  9. #3239
    emu
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    Until now I thought the burgers were better at hungry jacks.

  10. #3240
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    An agnostic, dyslexic and insomniac person lay awake in bed all night and wonders on the existence of Dog.
    Most metaphors do not bear up to close scrutiny

    Killed the nails before they killed me. 10/02/15 Thanks immensely to AVFers!

 

 

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