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Thread: Funnies Thread - What you got ? (NSFW R rated)

  1. #3301
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    An Irish pastrychef.
    Phil O'Pastry.
    Non conformists, form an orderly queue and take a number.

    Smokeless from 10/02/15 Thanks immensely to AVFers!

  2. #3302
    AVF Regular
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    Location
    Sydney (or lurking in the shadows behind you)
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    2,294
    FaceBook Vid
    Havana (cover)
    I Do Whatever I Want,
    Whenever I Want,
    And If It Doesn't Suit You,
    Go Start Your Own Empire

    Anything I write on AVF is purely my opinion and should never be read as fact!
    (or I could just be wrong)
    Please read the AVF rules: http://forums.aussievapers.com/forum...ions-bans.html
    (or wait for Johnny Depp to do the movie)
    Small reminder
    It's all about the cigartte ... Stupid


  3. #3303
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    Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

    A: Nothing, the bastard won't come to you anyway.

    Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?

    A: Right where you left the bastard.
    Non conformists, form an orderly queue and take a number.

    Smokeless from 10/02/15 Thanks immensely to AVFers!

  4. #3304
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    Showed this tot he midget snidley - she was furious and wouldnt talk to me for an hour after I showed her cause its her favorite song for the moment - A truly dastardly post


    Dunno if these jokes have been posted






















    Quote Originally Posted by Snidely_Whiplash View Post
    FaceBook Vid
    Havana (cover)
    If vape advocacy has taught me anything at all - then it is the fact that the average person has no power over their own destiny or bigger picture. Advocacy is about power, money, and recognition, made up of self proclaimed 'experts' in a field where none exist.
    Stock up and vape/ snus on! Screw them!


    Comic Database: Steve Hughes... Offended?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHMoDt3nSHs











  5. #3305
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    I apologise ahead of time some of these are tragic, racist and sexist - dont like it dont read em

    A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."



    Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
    Man: "Yes!"
    Reporter: "Name?"
    Man: "Abdul Al-
    Rhazim."
    Reporter: "Sex?"
    Man: "Three to five times a week."
    Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
    Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
    Reporter: "Holy cow!"
    Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
    Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
    Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
    Reporter: "Oh dear!"
    Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."



    A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"



    There was an old couple laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, "If you want to have sex, pull on my **** once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my **** one hundred times."



    Q: Why is sex like math?
    A: You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.


    I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”



    . Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
    A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

    Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran in-front of the bus?
    A: He got tired



    Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on?
    A: Because they can’t stand up for themselves

    Q: What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
    A: Crabs on your organ.



    Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
    A: Boobies
    ausguitarman, SubyXV and emu like this.
    If vape advocacy has taught me anything at all - then it is the fact that the average person has no power over their own destiny or bigger picture. Advocacy is about power, money, and recognition, made up of self proclaimed 'experts' in a field where none exist.
    Stock up and vape/ snus on! Screw them!


    Comic Database: Steve Hughes... Offended?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHMoDt3nSHs











  6. #3306
    AVF Regular
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    Non conformists, form an orderly queue and take a number.

    Smokeless from 10/02/15 Thanks immensely to AVFers!

  7. #3307
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    Some limericks nsfw not for kids or sensitive types



    A myopic tree surgeon named Lee
    Trapped an agile young wench in a tree
    Said she "Move your whopper, you careless limb lopper,
    "That's a moss-covered knot-hole, NOT ME!"




    The Pious Mahatma Gandhi
    Awoke one morn with a dandy
    He exclaimed to an aide,
    Go get me a maid
    Or a goat, or anything handy



    There once was a man named Mcsweeny
    Who spilled some gin on his weenie
    Just to be Couth
    He added some Vermouth
    And slipped his chick a Martini!



    There once was a woman from Purdue
    Who had nothing better to do
    So she sat on the stairs
    Counted **** hairs
    Four thousand three hundred and two!


    There was an old man from Rangoon
    Whose farts could be heard on the moon
    When least you'd expect 'em
    They'd roar from his rectum
    With the force of a Burma typhoon!


    A Man's occupation
    is to shove his Cockulation
    up a women's Ventalation
    to increase the popultation
    of the human Generation
    I got this information
    from a book of education
    for a free Demonstration
    Lie Down.


    There was an old maid from Azores
    Whose **** was all covered in sores
    The dogs on the street
    Used to sniff the green meat
    That hung in festoons from her drawers



    There was a man from Khartoum
    who took a lesbian up to his room.
    They argued all night
    over who had the right
    to do what, for how much and to whom.


    There once was a man from Nantucket
    With a **** so long he could suck it.
    While doing his wife,
    he folded twice,
    so that when he was coming, he went.



    There once was a hermit named Dave
    Who Kept a dead whore in his cave
    She was missing a tit
    She smelled like shit
    But think of the money he saved



    There was a young harlot from Kew
    Who filled her vagina with glue.
    She said with a grin,
    "If they pay to get in,
    They'll pay to get out of it, too."




    There was a young lady named Hitchin
    Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen.
    Her mother said, "Rose,
    It's the crabs, I suppose."
    She said, "Yes, and the buggers are itchin'."



    There was a Young Man from Kent
    Whose Rod was so long it bent.
    So to save himself trouble
    He bent it in double,
    And instead of coming -- he went!
    emu likes this.
    If vape advocacy has taught me anything at all - then it is the fact that the average person has no power over their own destiny or bigger picture. Advocacy is about power, money, and recognition, made up of self proclaimed 'experts' in a field where none exist.
    Stock up and vape/ snus on! Screw them!


    Comic Database: Steve Hughes... Offended?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHMoDt3nSHs











  8. #3308
    CMB
    CMB is offline
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    Good god, the 80's called and want your limmericks back

  9. #3309
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    The 80s never ended!


    80s 4eva!

    RAWR!!!

    Now do the safety dance!







    emu likes this.
    If vape advocacy has taught me anything at all - then it is the fact that the average person has no power over their own destiny or bigger picture. Advocacy is about power, money, and recognition, made up of self proclaimed 'experts' in a field where none exist.
    Stock up and vape/ snus on! Screw them!


    Comic Database: Steve Hughes... Offended?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHMoDt3nSHs











  10. #3310
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    Marrickville NSW
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    Seeing as this thread is crap, here's some more.

    http://www.triggerwarning.tv/live/

 

 

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